In the blue corner...

Weighing in at a colossal 1.3kg, we have the ultimate picnic maker, the bastion of Britishness, the king of savoury snacks and meaty goodness hailing all the way from the home of posh delicacies and the inventor of the Scotch Egg, Fortnum & Mason, please welcome to the ring the Hand Raised Pork Pie (made with outdoor bred Lincolnshire pork).

Before I start the review, I'd like to thank the lovely people at Reading Room for giving this pie to me as my parting gift. My first thought was how am I going to carry the pie home, but to my luck my good colleagues soon found a solution for this too.

It should also be noted that the comparison of this pie with the others that we have reviewed is like putting Mike Tyson in the ring with Pee-wee Herman, there was only going to be one winner. But then telling you that without elaborating wouldn't put fits of jealousy in the stomachs of those who didn't get to try a tasty morsel (or two) of this magnificent pie.

The look and presentation is as important as the pie itself, so when your pie comes wrapped in an understated plastic cellophane covering you realise this ain’t no supermarket junk. Then you notice the note that declares it has been hand raised since infancy. You take a step back and accept that the pie will do the talking.

We started off in a reserved manner, all sharing small slices, "if you cut that any thinner it'll still be vegan." But it didn't take long for the gannets to arrive, "what, you're having a whole slice, it's not a cake." And very soon had one of the biggest tasting groups ever assembled for such an occasion.

From the very first cut the pastry proved beautifully crisp on the outside morphing into soft and flavoursome on the inside. As one acute taster noted, "ah pork lard, with all the flavours of the pork rainbow." Perfectly balanced all the way through, from flavour to thickness.

Inside we found a densely packed pork filling, comprised of a good high percentage of the finest cuts of hand reared pork and seasoned just the way we like it while retaining that oh so natural taste. What did we expect, no less from this decadent pie, and certainly none of that pork is pink food colouring.

Between the pork and pastry was, as officially described, a "seam of cool jelly". Well proportioned to keep the the pork beautifully moist without upsetting the less traditionally aligned who can't handle their well-jellied pies. It's not often I rate the jelly layer highly.

And then there was no more, 1.3kg or pork and pastry gone to a better home. I was going to give it a 9.5 across the board to keep the competition coming, but then I saw two other reviews with a rating of 9. Rubbish, don't they know how to rate a pie.

Overall rating 11/10.

Better than cheese sandwiches

A quick sojourn away to Wales for some canoeing always requires a few snacks. As usual we brought enough sandwich filling for all involved. And at lunch on the first day as we were all extracting the breaded plastic cheese and ham, we discovered the instructors had already located the local butcher, in fact there were two, and were pulling out of their pockets the much more appealing pork pies.

So off I went, two for me and two for the tasters back home, and here starts the review. Which is most appropriately capped off by the exclamation of "Wow, they come in a paper bag", upon their unveiling to the tasting team. Upon which it was unanimously considered that all serious pies come in a paper bag.

However, it quickly became clear that the pie was lacking in one key area: the pastry. Particularly on the top where it averaged a very poor 3mm in thickness and had the structural integrity more akin to the slums of Mumbai than the well insulated homes of old Blighty. Trust the Welsh to get that one wrong.

All was forgiven when we made our first incision into this pie: the outer pastry was good; the sausage meat was exceptionally sausagy and chunky, a good cobbly mixture full of varied flavours, none of that supermarket rubbish; with just enough jelly "tucked around the back" to keep us interested but not put off.

All in all a very good pie which made up for the poor pastry with a good filing and a beautifully crumpled paper bag.

Pastry 3/10, sausage 8/10, jelly 6/10, packaging 9/10.

Marks and Spencer's Celebration Melton Mowbray Pork Pie

This wasn't Just any Pie, this was a Marks and Spencer "Celebration Melton Mowbray Pork Pie", or "Celeb Pork Pie" as the receipt informed me.

The first thing I noticed when I picked up this pie was the weight. This was one heavyweight pie weighing in at 440g. No expense had been spared on the design, with the distinctive Great British bunting decoration printed on the packaging.
Opening the box revealed the pie in it's full glory. Standing proud before us was a large glossed pie with encrusted Union flag encrusted on top.

The maiden incision in to the stiff upper crust had so much resistance it nearly fractured my forefinger. Pushing through the pain barrier the crust remained firm as the knife cut through the pastry and meat down to the final crunch of the base. 

The cut revealed a beautifully rustic meat core that appeared less processed and firm than many we've reviewed in the past. The meat was surrounded by a moderate, but not overly generous protective layer of gelatin.

Taking my first bite I realised this was probably the moist meat I've had in mouth this year. The meat was succulent and melted away off the tongue with fine seasoning balancing favours as they penetrated the meat to excite my palette. The pastry was just as full of flavour as the kernel of this pie, this was likely enhanced by the fatty grease on the undercarriage of the pie.

The pie was a delight to consume, the not so complex but complimentary flavours were a real hit with other pie partakers. This really was a celebratory pie.

Flavour balance: meat: 74%, pastry 23%, gelatine 3%

Overall Score: 9/10

Sainsbury's Crusty Bake Snack Pork Pie 2-pack

Sadly, Tesco lacked pork pies of any description, so I had to throw myself on the mercy of Sainsbury's, and their Crusty Bake Snack Pork Pie 2-pack, which I think Justene reviewed some time ago.

The question is, has it moved on from the somewhat mixed review - 'gag reflex', 'very greasy', 'low on seasoning' - its ancestor received?

I'll admit to having low expectations. It was 3pm on a Friday afternoon, I'd had my lunch already, and I'd skipped the pricier options on the shelf in favour of something more compact.

Opening the packet provided no cause for concern; my chosen pie of the pair looking crisp and smelling suitably porky. The cut: demanding, as it should be - I'm a man who likes his meaty goodness densely packed, right up to the sides. Encouragingly little of the unspecified gelatinous goo my esteemed colleague had detected nearly five years' hence, despite the wholesale damage to the financial markets caused by the sub-prime mortgage crisis in the intervening period, and the resultant austerity to which we have become accustomed. This is pie made in the UK, not Guangzhou, and it shows.

The taste: remarkably good. The aftertaste a little peppery perhaps, but a delightfully meaty bouquet, with pastry not likely to trouble Trading Standards, being both baked and undeniably crusty. 

Ultimately, this is a brace of taste, a pair with flair, a twosome I found quite woosome: unassuming little pies which deliver on their £1.09 for two price tag, and will get you coming back for another piece. Politically, economically, socially, culturally, the intervening years may have been tough, but the piemasters of J Sainsbury have not been surrendering to the gloom. They've taken the salt- and fat-reduction regulations on the chin... and been cooking up a treat in reply.

Flavour balance: meat: 60%, pastry 38%, gelatine 2%

Overall Score: 7/10

Sainsbury's basics 4 Pork Pies

Our first budget pie review. Four classic 110g pies in a cheap plastic film with a bonus flimsy plastic tray, this tasting session wasn't starting off too well. Going on first impressions these pies frankly looked dull. Glaze was very minimal and they looked tough and unappetising.

Now trying not to judge pie by it's crust we ploughed on with this tasting session and the cutting took place. This pie was one tough cookie slicing with a firm resistance to the knife during pork penetration although with minimal breakage the outer crusty protection.

Once cut-up and splayed open like a cheap hooker on Friday night this pie revealed a grey mass of lacklustre pork meat packed hard inside with no room to breath. The meat was firmly pushing against the dry walls of the crust. Disappointingly there was no jelly to help the pork slip down more easily and was definitely missing from the taste.

This pie did have a meaty taste but was distinctly lacking any lingering flavour from seasoning or quality meat, maybe that is explained by the 47% meat content. Another expert taster noted the "bland after-crust" which developed following mastication.

On the plus side it was very morish and disappeared pretty quickly with one of our directors salivating for a second helping. Sadly another one opted for ketchup as a complimentary condiment. Sacrilege!

All this sounds very negative however remember this pie is a budget pie. Now here's the killer point. This pack of pies cost 98p! YES! That's a whopping 24.5p of pie. 

Flavour balance: Pastry 52%, Pork 47%, Seasoning 1%

Overall Score: 7/10

Delisanté ham hock, apple & cider pie

This latest review comes on the back of renewed interest in the pork pie blog, which is warmly received by this author. It's great to have you reading.

So on to the pie!

With this manufacturer being a novel treat for me, I thought it best to introduce them. From their website: "Delisanté was formed in 2006 with the aim to deliver a new level of delicatessen quality, freshness and taste with a range of handmade, artisan deli products that one would only find in the best restaurants and fine food stores." These lofty aspirations can only serve to introduce the question - does their pie meet the discerning criteria of the Pork me panel?

This large pie is presented for purchase as individual slices or as a complete roundel, we tested three slices at 125g each. Packaging serves to showcase the pie well, simple green and black surrounds framing the pink and pastry slice within. Unfortunately on reviewing the reverse of the packaging, this pie was discovered to be unsuitable for nut allergy sufferers. This instantly discounted one of the panel, the disappointment was palpable. We'd make a point here that we do prefer our pies accessible to all - there's no nuts named as individual ingredients so why is the pie not suitable for nut allergy sufferers?

On removing the packaging, the pie was unveiled to great interest. Cutting proceeded well; while this isn't a firm pork pie by any standards it held together nicely. Some pastry flake-age and a distinct lack of crunch while slicing through the base was noted. These signals point to a rather soggy pastry, that only tasting would be able to confirm.

Indeed the pastry surrounding the pie does come across as very moist, almost quiche-like in texture. The meat is gloriously tender, although not as firmly packed as your average pork pie. If pushed, this reviewer would place it as somewhere between corned beef and pulled pork. These features lead to a delicate, almost airy mouth feel, giving the impression of a far lighter pie than expected. In terms of taste, the filling certainly overshadows the pastry with apple and cinnamon top notes over a slightly smoky ham base. Although there's no salty gelatine present at all, the pie has been well seasoned, perhaps a little too much, so the pie really does punch above its weight on the tongue.

The taste does sour a little with a slight acrid aftertaste - not the usual lard moistness. On consulting the ingredients list, the use of margarine in the pastry could well be the responsible factor - or perhaps the large variety of preservatives used (sodium nitrite, potassium nitrite, sodium metabisulphate and potassium sorbate) could be the cause? Either way - I can't see these ingredients meeting Delisanté's "ultra fresh, great tasting ingredients" mission statement. Quite a paradox.

When asked "What would you prefer - the Tesco pie from last week or this one?" - I hesitated. This pie is certainly a more palatable option, but the novel taste, textures and ingredients make it diffirent proposition to your classic porker. This makes this pie something out of the ordinary, and something we're glad to see broadening the range of pork pies. With it's fruity flavour and light texture we can see this becoming a firm summertime favourite, the perfect snack while supping a glass of cloudy cider at a picnic or garden party.

Flavour balance: Pastry 20%, Pork 50%, Apple (and cider) 20%, Cinnamon 10%, Gelatine 0%

Overall Score: 7.5/10 * (1 point deducted as it is not suitable for nut allergy sufferers)

Tesco's 4 Crispy Bake Pork Pies

Like your favourite TV show returning after a long break, the first pie review for many months was always going to be a disappointment.

The first thing to note is that these Tesco pies came in a pack of four. The perfect party pack it would seem - but it would be a strange guest who wished such a mediocre pie on their friends or significant other. Unless you were in the strange position of organising catering for a party of bastards, this really is hard a pack to recommend.

It must be said that things started off well, with the pie proving a delight to slice open, for all but the most cack-handed of fans. However, the ease with which the pie can be cut appears to have come at the price of other (some would say more important) attributes.

For one thing, these crispy pork pies were not in any way crispy. How such a blatent miss-representation got past Food Standards I will never know. If anything the pastry was overly soft, with the liquid fat glaze on the exterior suggesting the jelly had some how penetrated the surface.

Adding further evidence to the wondering jelly theory is the total lack of lubricant around the perimeter of the meat. We went through several rounds of porking, but by the time the last portion came around it was just too dry to keep going.

The meat itself was also of a poor quality. Once again, the packaging had claimed the pork was seasoned, but frankly the only real flavour was that of the pastry. They may as well just remove the meat all together and add yet another lie to the label.

Overall, the lack of jelly and meat flavour created a very shallow pork pie experience. There was no meat flavour to cling on to, leaving just a dirty post-swallow feeling, with no lingering pork taste to make up for it.

Luckily for Tesco, a poor pork pie is better than no pork pie at all.

Flavour balance: Pastry 80%, Pork 15%, Gelatine 5%

Overall Score: 3/10